My Son Is Now My Friend

My son is now my friend. Not in the way you’re thinking. Not in the “I’m a cool mom who wears Converse and we hang out whenever we can” kind of way. He’s my friend on Facebook.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: I’m dying to share something with you, but you’re not on Facebook.

Him (ignoring politely the fact that his mother doesn’t know how to share stuff via other media, like, oh, Whatsapp for example): I am on Facebook.

Me: But I can’t find you. What’s your name?

Him:

Me: Oh, there you are! But I can’t be your friend. Your security settings are too high.

Him: Ha.

Me: Please may I be your friend?

Him:

The next morning, I received a friend request from my son. So I shared my little joke with him.

And then it happened. I almost became That Facebook Mom.

I clicked on his profile and had a look through it. Pictures of bacon (don’t ask: I’m not sure either), his sketches, and a cute photo of him. A few posts, but he wasn’t going overboard. A decent number of friends… There were boys I recognised from his school… And there were girls. Lots of girls.

The temptation to click on them was immense.

Having watched others on Facebook and having read up on this a bit, I’ve become aware that there’s a mom-kid etiquette pertinent to the digital world. I’m determined to respect that etiquette, and to let my son have his privacy. With that in mind, I hereby solemnly make the following vows to not become That Facebook Mom:

  1. I vow never to stalk my own son on Facebook, because I can’t get a word out of him about who he likes and whether that friend, who he swears blind is just a friend, might, just might, be something more.
  2. I vow never to stalk my son’s friends to find out what sort he’s mixing with instead of inviting them over and having a conversation with them.
  3. I vow not to creepily “like” or, horror of horrors, “love” everything he posts, because he’s cute and so clever.
  4. I vow not to constantly share amusing memes with him, to demonstrate how cool I am or how hilarious I can be, even though I’m almost 50.

Nope. Although we’re friends now, I’ll try my utmost to keep it to a distant association. That Facebook Mom will not be me.

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